Wedding blues..

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not love,
I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not love,
I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,
and though I give my body to be burned and have not love,
it profith me nothing.

I'm not a religious person, yet the passage above struck a chord with me.. It was from the Corinthians passage of the bible. It was read out & paraphrased by the pastor who was conducting the service.
I took from it that to really be successful & happy in life, then you need to have love. Im a 26 year old man who has never been in love. I have never known what it's like to be in a relationship & have that connection with a person. I have had flings, but wouldn't class them as love.

I don't know why I've never had love, it's not like I have never been close, there has been D, L, S, Other L, R, other R, & A, all whom I ended up just being friends with. Now people refer to this as the friend zone, which I always get stuck in.

I try & be likeable, I try & be the cool guy, it just never works. They always end up liking a friend more or just end up with someone else.

Women always claim to want the decent, likeable guy who won't mess them around & that is me. I'm the guy every girl claims to want yet never actually do! This frustrates me, I've liked all these girls & sometimes let myself get so close (despite knowing they will never be with me) that I end up with a massive broken heart despite not being in the relationship. This has happened too many times, & too be honest I can't handle it again. I've been close to the edge of depression due to the loneliness & I feel one more 'crush' rejecting me may be the the one too many.

Seeing my good friend with such an expression of joy on his face today while at the alter just hit it home about me. I had to drink shit loads of alcohol just to numb the pain. Which is why I have somehow managed to write this blip & why I'm willing to put these feelings out there. (anyone talks to me about this in real life, I will not discuss it.) I'm not normally this vulnerable yet I needed to get this all if my chest.

Tomorrow I shall put on a brave face, same as I will for the rest of the week just waiting for me to Fall again just to have them fall for a pal or I get stuck in the dreaded friend zone again.

I'm going to sign off as I am definfinetly going to regret posting this in the morning