Oven Chips

So versatile, probably nutritious and of course incredibly easy to do. I could now time the cooking of oven chips by 'halves on FIFA' - one half to warm the oven up and then two halves to cook the chips.

Don't say I don't experiment with these bad boys either. I'm famed for a Bhuna on them, but tonight I dabbled in the exotic and had a Madras. Oh yeah, living the dream.

Tomorrow I am going to a car boot sale to try and raise some revenue for my top secret business venture. I need about £200 and have a keen and cunning way to get it: Sell my old crap.

I've roped Kirky into it as well. Now in reality the whole escapade goes against several of my core beliefs. Firstly I am a firm believer in not really experiencing the 'AM' bit of Sunday. The PM bit I'm cool with, and I'm not adverse to maybe two hours of the AM spent lounging about in my pyjamas jogging pants. However anything that has a single figure prefix is considered obscene and unnecessary.

So a 6.30am start is going to sting like a sandpaper w*nk. followed by a bath in TCP.

Couple that with my customer base. People willing to walk around a muddy field to pay a pittance for other peoples unwanted possessions. Quite often they'll want to give me 75p for a badge that I've labelled as a pound. I'm not going to lie, if someone tries to save 75p at a car boot sale they are going to get a short but sharp round of fucks from me. Either buy it at a pound or mooch along to the next stall.

I can't believe I'm getting angry about it and I've not even gone yet.

The market is on the same old RAF base as my ex, the devil child used to live. I'm safe in the knowledge there's no way that lethargic madam will drag her ass out of the duvet until at least one, at which time I'm hoping to be packing up. Even if she does get there, she is barred from my stall. Half the stuff is hers anyway.

No that's a lie, I have nothing of hers. However I did lose a lot of my cuff links. Not sure her new fella would use cufflinks though, I've never seen a chimp wear them.

Ooooh ex envy? Nah just in a proper slating mood this evening. I'll be honest if she showed up on my doorstep wanting to take me back, the only thing she'd get is a bucket of boiling piss from my bedroom window.

Mind you I'd need a bit of time to prepare that, it's not the sort of thing I have laying around.

I bet it rains as well (keep up I'm back moaning about the car boot now). It always fucking rains when I choose to do a rare outdoor pursuit. The stuff I've got to sell will get wet and I'll have a face like a slapped behind.

I've forgotten what my picture was now. I'm pretty sure it wasn't me looking like I've lost a fifty and found a facial wart, soaked to the bone stood behind a picnic table full of stuff I should have thrown out years ago.

Plus someone always sells the fleece you actually wore there, and then goes 'oh I didn't know, sorry'.

OF COURSE YOU KNEW, I WAS WEARING IT WHEN I GOT HERE YOU DICK.

Other than that I'm sure it'll be alright.

In other news I still haven't got around to commenting and that, but I will. Been out and about two days on the spin, with more merriment planned for post car boot tomorrow.

I will though. I half promise.