"Our Recent Survey Proves..."

... that you can always get the results you want if you're really sneaky and underhanded.

1. Choose the participants for your "random" survey carefully
2. If necessary, eliminate any answers that jeopardise you getting the result you want
3. Make sure your questions carefully guide your participants towards the answers you want. That may include removing the possibility for participants to give negative comments
4. Make the opportunity for "any other comments"* as unlikely as possible by providing very little time or space for such comments and then excluding them when presenting your results


In a recent survey, my home-made, sugar-free bramble and apple jam scored 90%** and 95%. Ninety-five percent! It's a very telling result...

*'Not enough sugar'
* 'Do I have to finish it'

**50% of participants held up a different card when asked to confirm their answer

Oh yeah - the small print:
Only scorecards marked with a 9 or a 10 were available in this trial.