AM I REALLY ILL?

I have bought myself a new pair of shoes/boots as a little treat for myself. Well, after all; having breast cancer is reason enough for me to spoil myself?!

I've now started radiotherapy which involves a road trip of 50 miles every day for the next three weeks; to receive 2 mins of treatment. So far I haven't had any side effects but I guess it's early days.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of July. Admittedly I was terrified of having an operation to remove the cancer but apart from being a nervous wreck, I haven't felt ill at all. In fact it's very difficult to believe that I have had something so serious. I feel a fraud. I've been given flowers, chocolates, wine, cards, etc. Friends that I didn't even think were close friends have been phoning, texting and emailing and wishing me well. Offers of help have come from the most unexpected sources.

........................But I don't feel ill.

When I was first diagnosed I asked the doctor if I was going to die and she said, 'Not from this you're not'. She then went on to say that if I'd been diagnosed with diabetics my health would be more at risk. So what is it about the big 'C' that makes everyone think I'm at deaths door? As far as I'm concerned I've had cancer, it's been cut out and now I'm taking a tablet a day for five years and having three weeks of radiotherapy as a precaution. If I'd had flu I'd probably be a lot more run down and exhausted than I am now. Cancer hasn't stopped me doing anything - its just inconvenienced me a bit having treatment for something I can't feel, didn't know I had and quite frankly just want to forget.

But there again maybe I'm in denial? My life is just carrying on as normal. In a way I almost wish I had some side effects of the treatment so that I know something is happening to my body. However, I think the most positive thing to come out of all this is the fact that I now know how many wonderful friends and family I have that care about me.

I also have an excuse to be a little bit extravagant and buy myself treats - I can't wait to wear my new shoes!