To store or not to store, that is the question.

Jackspeak - A guide to Royal Navy and Royal Marines Slanguage.

Stores - Items designed to be left on the shelf because, according to "Pusser's"* logic, if they were meant to be given out they would be called 'issues.'

The Ministry of Defence, or the Mad House as it's occasionally known, has a department that has come in for some stick, "Procurement." Deservedly so in my opinion. You may have heard of millions wasted on purchases of weapons, clothing, aircraft etc that are either never used and spend their lives in warehouses or hangars, or just disappear into the murky corners to be conveniently forgotten about.

Here is a classic example. Most torches suffer a bulb failure due to poor maintenance or the way a gorilla hurls it at a colleague. It would appear a simple task to replace a torch bulb, honest it would wouldn't it?

Not if you went to the stores and asked for one. You would be handed the little device shown above. It's a small plastic tube, cut to size, the ends are filed smooth so fingers don't get hurt. The spare bulb is wrapped in a small brown paper envelope to further protect it, then held in place with a length of sellotape. Finally, just in case you are about to take leave of your senses a small yellow label has been printed and secured with yet more sellotape to inform you that inside this container is a spare light bulb.

It's only when you really need it that one discovers it's the wrong bloody size.

For the information of the new Secretary of State for Defence........

"Keep it simple Stupid!"

*Pusser. An abbreviation of the title Purser. That's tomorrow. :-)