Boulder skyline

One of the worst nights ever. I could not sleep for the life of me...I don't know if it was the weed, or the scotch, or the smokes, or the fact that I fucked one of my best friends out of pure manipulation and lonliness and thus I was overwhelmed by guiltiness...I could not sleep. One moment I was burning up, the next I was freezing. Even though I was on the couch I was immeasurably uncomfortable.

Skippy said goodbye to me before he scooted off to work, and boy was that an awkward goodbye. Meagan, Kyle, and I left by 7 am. All I wanted to do was vomit, take a shit, eat, take a shower, and sleep in my bed forever. Instead, Kyle bought me breakfast and I went over to his place and we cuddled and eventually fell asleep for a couple hours.

After I finally went home and purified myself, Lydia and I met up for lunch. I told her everything. What do I have to lose? Oh wait, respect... I didn't like the way she treated me.. I have never felt judged before in my life, until that moment. Now I know why its so cruel and unhelpful to judge people who are at a low in their life. Never will I do such a thing to anyone ever again....

Later that day Kyle invited me to play frisbee golf, which was incredibly lame and unenjoyable to be honest. Kyle and I had an interesting conversation in the car on the way back however. He informed me he hates having sex with a condom and thus wont do it. He only has sex with girls who are on birth control. Since I am not on birth control, I thought that was the end my curiosity...

Ever eat Dot candies? It can be a bit hard to handle the chew and swallowing process with just one, but if you stick twenty in your mouth you are at a point of pure saturation. That is how I feel right now in my life. I just keep making ostentatiously horrible decisions over and over again. I feel supersaturated, that any moment of pause in my day is dedicated in the emotional and spiritual digestion of what I have actually done...