Money money money!

OK blippers....here's my latest money making idea! Inspiration came flooding to me whilst scrutinising my phone bill this month when it arrived at more than double it's usual size at £203.

I'll lay this out for you in an easy step by step guide. Not sure if it's an original idea, but it is to me. here goes:

1. Acquire an 0844 number.
2. Acquire an automated answer machine system.
3. Record a series of options on that answer machine system that lasts as long as you can possibly make it, padding out each option as long as possible to maximise time spent on the phone by the user, including:
i) a list of options that no-one is ever likely to call you about
ii) an option to return the caller to the options listed in i) above
iii) an option that directs them to a website where they are directed back the 0844 number to make the call again
iv) an option that automatically cuts the call off after a minimum call period in excess of 60 minutes
v) a default second level option that kicks in once the caller selects an option, that tells the caller that you are currently busy dealing with another call but their call is important to you and they will be placed on hold until you become available, which repeats every 5 minutes, and after 6 repeats, suggests they call back another time.
vi) any calls made before or after 'peak time', set recording to loop continuously.
vii) any other option that helps extend the callers time online with the automated system and maximises the call duration.
4. Phone all your utilities companies including your mobile phone company, TV and satellite company, council tax and other government offices, credit card companies and, most importantly, your bank, to update your contact details, most specifically, your 0844 telephone contact number.
5. Let them know your hours of contact are between 08:30-17:00hrs (referred to above as 'peak time')
6. If at any time in the process, you accidentally answer the call, simply ask them to hold the line whilst you check you records or log into your computer, and place them back on hold into the automated system.
7. Whatever the reason for the call, ensure repeat business by asking them to call again later to see if the problem is resolved. do not resolve a problem on the first call.
8. Whilst on hold, play inane music on a loop.
9. Repeat your strategy every month.

Now mess up, don't pay your bills on time, pay the wrong amounts, delay that service to them....and sit back and wait for the calls.

Negotiate hard with your telephone service provider, who will try to get up to 25% of the revenue (@£0.11p per minute), but don't give them more than 20%.

No need to tell your callers that any calls made to your number will result in them being on hold in an automated system for a minimum of 20 minutes and a potential of over 60 minutes each call they make, nor to remind them that it will cost £0.11p per minute that they are on hold.

Remember, they are not important to you. Only their money is.

There you go. What do you think. Good idea huh!?

It's a rich man's world!