Work

This is barbed wire outside work looking in.... not sure whether it's to keep thieves out or the patients in.

Actually thats a really annoying thing to say. I detest people who say things like 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps'. It's so full of self importance, like there is something unique in working amongst people with different characters. I've worked in a few places and they've all been fairly mad. I've encountered all types.

In one of my old jobs I worked with a guy who three years earlier had crashed head on into a taxi I was in and nearly killed me: the first time I met him was on the machine we were running. I worked with a guy who killed someone with a letter bomb before gassing him and his missus in their car. I worked with a guy who looked like a fat Marlon from Emmerdale: we called him Fat Marlon. That was one job. Was it mad? No. It was a bog standard factory.

Now I've worked with alcoholics who defecated in their trousers at their desk. I worked with a teenage Dad, a Munchausen sufferer who tried to convince people that her boyfriend was dying and a fat Kirk from Coronation Street lookalike.

I figure that every place has someone who appears slightly mental to others, and someone who looks a bit like a soap character.

In other news I'm wondering if that person at Jewsons might be me. I've noticed my current place doesn't have anyone a bit mental (other than me) and today someone told me they thought I looked like Max from Eastenders when I wore a woolly hat. I've also furnished people with stories of me getting threatened by a nazi fanatic, crashing a van twice in a day and lying about it to my employer. Today the story of my doorstep arrest and court appearance during which I asked if the judge was joking when he gave a verdict.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that it might be me that's not right at work. Tell you what, being the mental one really does help because I love my job.

That's argued against my own point and defeated myself. So technically I'm also the winner. Sweet.