Toughen up

When people are kind and soft to me I crumble. I'm so much better when people are harsh and mean - I toughen up, get steely and crack on, and generally achieve quite a lot.

Tonight I got home and my flatmate was so kind and concerned about me I almost wept, but I held it together until he left and then stared miserably at the tv.

I'm really quite unhappy at the moment but so are many other people I'm sure! People have much tougher lives than me. So I'm well aware I need to buck up. I will sort myself out.

It's just tonight when people catch you unawares with unexpected softness and kindness and you suddenly realise that mask of cheerfulness you've been wearing hasn't quite been as convincing as you'd like that you have to acknowledge your feelings perhaps are telling you something quite important.