Guinea Pig Zero

By gpzero

Instant Tangerine Yuletide Blip

In the daily struggle to present the best possible blip, we who do not have fancy cameras, nor happen to be wandering far from home, nor enjoy luxury just now --we must whip out the imagination at ten minutes to Midnight! Here is my recipe, entitled "Instant Tangerine Yuletide Blip."

1 chair
3 coffee bean sacks (69-Kg)
3 lbs tangerines
3 oz. dried, chopped catnip
1 catnip-sensitive cat

Cover the chair with the coffee sacks, exposing politically correct logos to view if possible. Cats like to lay on the jute fabric and Free Frade or Organic cerification stamps will score a point with many people, and offend no one.

Add the tangerines. As you can understand better by checking Kendall's blip for yesterday, this fruit reminds some of us of our childhood experience of Christmas. It is inexpensive enough that almost anyone can eat many tangerines for the occasion (as I am tonight), and they fit nicely in the (perhaps imaginary) stocking that hangs from your mantlepiece. I made a special trip to the grocery store for my bag of those tasty things.

Hold the catnip in your hand and let the cat smell it, then sprinkle it over the tangerines.

Set your camera on macro and hold it against a stationary surface near the chair.

Shoot pictures of the cat when it arrives, especially when it rolls drunkenly onto its back or makes funny use of its toungue. Here my chubby, lazy subject Max is not fully sloshed by the catnip because my supply of the herb is not as fresh as I would like. Remember, freshness is vital!

My recipe was fairly successful, if not seamless, but more importantly I ate of the fruit that brought my Mom's kind voice back into my head, and I shared the holiday with a creature I love on this chilly night in the city. This has been an absolutely secular experiment.

Now it's Christmas Eve --time to eat another tangerine!

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