looking back...looking forward

Finished up my New Years retreat tonight. It was a morning of reflecting and looking back over the past year and decided what I wanted or needed to leave behind and an afternoon of looking forward and deciding what I wanted to take or changed into the new year. I'm exhausted.

At the end of the retreat we are giving a word. It's our word to take into the new year. My word...relaxation... Upon first receiving it my first thought was yep I need that. My daughter is going through a divorce and has moved home with my two grandchildren to get their life together. It been very exhausting for me so the relaxation word made sense. But the more I meditated on the word and than looked it up in the dictionary it took on a different meaning for me in this season of my life.

Relaxation...

1) An act of relaxation or the state of being relaxed.
2)Mental or physical refreshment.
3)A loosening or slackening.
4)Reduction in strictness or severity.

My weekness of trying to control or fix things makes me think this word has more to do with the loosening or slackening part, which is what exhaust's me so much. I am so exhausted thinking I can fix and make things right for others. Who am I to think I have that much power, it's so not my job. So I am going to learn to relax so I can relax. I need to loosen up and just chill out. I worry way to much over the things I have no contriol over. I'm making myself and other crazy. Oh my it's been a very heavy day. Sorry for so many words but I have been journaling and thinking all day. Oh and, thanks for listening.

...Happy New Year you all...