PILE UP

All lanes were blocked during this morning's rush hour on Springs Canal due to a collision. Three barges suffered damage with another seven involved in the pile up. A Swan who witnessed the collision said he had been scared for his life when the boat swung out of control and hit two stationary barges. Several Mallards were treated for shock at the scene, but then they've always been drama queens. It is not know if anyone has been arrested, but a police spokesman said their investigations were continuing, and no old bicycles or supermarket trolleys would be left unturned during their search of the area.

Reported sightings of a woman with a camera, grinning madly and shouting "Blip, blip", have not been confirmed, and may just be purely malicious. Those Mallards again.