Whats new with you?

Happy new year.

Today i had a lot of time while taking care of my babies to think about last year and the year ahead.

I'm not really big into making resolutions but i do have some changes i want to make and achieve this year- mainly for me.

I love my babies and my husband but thinking today i sort of felt like maybe this year i could do some things for me all the while continuing to be what my family need of me.

I thought about continuing the study i started the year of the quake but realistically that's not ideal. There'll be plenty of time for me to do that when they all grow up.

I don't want to miss out on their childhood, i want to enjoy every bit of it - even the hard times because i'll never have those again.

But, i feel that maybe this year if i do a few things or even one thing for me that, perhaps it will improve me as a person and a mother. I doubt myself a lot as a person and a mama and i want to confident, i want to be a strong woman for my boys and my husband.

I want have more faith in things working out- i'm the type to hope for the best but deep down am expecting the worst to happen, and in that i find it hard to be optimistic. I need to change that. 

I want to make more time for myself, take care of myself better and my health. I need to take breaks even if means i put tv on for the boys and sit outside by myself and have coffee. 

I tend to take everything on when i dont need to.

I try hard to teach my boys, i work hard to create memories and do activities with them. I work hard on creating values and teaching them manners. I put traditions and things in place to ensure that no matter how old they are they feel that there's a place where they belong. That their family will always be here. I work especially hard to put boundaries in place and expectations of them - to talk nicely, use their  manners etc.I'm trying to teach Marley about the importance of taking care of himself. Theyre only little boys now but in time it will sink in.

In all of this - the endless work i put in to them i have created nothing for myself. There are things i want and i feel i need but it gets sacrificed and i know that's what motherhood is about, its hard and easier said than done with 3 little boys but there's a line where i feel i have now crossed that actually even if its just one thing i do myself each day its important for me as a person - for my own sanity and self esteem.

I need it to become a stronger mama for my babies and wife to my husband.

I read somewhere that first you are a woman then a mother then a wife. I've always remembered it and never taken it on- perhaps this year i should.

Tonight Harper did something new, as i was doing the dishes i turned to see where he was and he was atop the dinner table and had found the bananas! Its the first hes climbed up there and i fear it wont be the last.