I Wish That I Could Turn Back The Clock

Ok. I spent ages writing a very detailed entry for the last picture of the year, and just as I was publishing, Safari crashed. I could have cried! So with this in mind, I think I'll be publishing this rather drawn out ramble in stages!

I made plans to go out on New Year's Eve. Last year I stayed home by choice, and I quite enjoyed it. This year however, I decided I wanted to go out and party! I was going to meet some friends-albeit not the ones I really wanted to spend time with, but I'm just being honest as it's my own blip :-)

The day was grey and rainy, and knowing I would be out later, I stayed home with Little B. I was on the train by 7pm, and arrived at Waterloo at 8pm. The plan was to meet my friends about then, in the Dutch pub in Soho, which has become a regular haunt of mine this year. Seeing as I've spent so much time there this year, it seemed fitting that I should ring in the New Year there ;-) Although I knew exactly who I would want to be there with! Ah well, a girl can't have anything everything I suppose!

Now I go out in central London almost every weekend, and know how to get in and out. However, tonight was very different. The station wasn't any busier than a normal Saturday night, but when I tried to leave via the taxi exit, I saw the grill was pulled firmly across, with marshalls overseeing it. I asked where to go to get a taxi, and was told to go downstairs and outside. I duly followed, only to find no taxis, so I reversed the process and went back inside. I decided to try to leave and walk my normal route, via the South Bank exit, but once again, it was gated off, and there was no way out. How the hell am I supposed to leave the station?!!!! 

I had to ask a Policeman, seeing as they were everywhere, and he directed me out of another exit. I then had to follow crowds of people walking down the road where the taxi's usually drive down. This should have been my first clue that this wasn't going to be easy....

I realised that due to the fireworks, South Bank and the Jubilee bridge were shut, so I couldn't do my usual route. There were 6ft high metal panels in loads of places, preventing you from walking, and with the roads closed to public transport, I realised I was in for a long walk! I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to taking the tube alone, but God, how I wished I had taken it now! I walked all the way over Waterloo bridge, which was really crowded with people setting up camp to watch the fireworks later. When I reached the other side, I wasn't sure where to go, so I decided to walk parallel to try and end up where I normally would have. I was relieved when I finally reached Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery, as I knew how to get to the pub from there. By the time I arrived, it had taken an hour. I have no idea how far I walked, suffice to say it must have been a fair few miles. The calories in the bag of M&M's I felt guilty about eating earlier were negated by all the walking I think! 

When I reached the pub, I got myself a drink to calm my nerves! Although I wanted to relax and enjoy the night, in the back of my mind I was already wondering how I was going to get back! 

I did feel a bit anxious to tell you the truth. I was secretly hoping that guy friend and the others would pop in, so I kept looking at the door for quite a large portion of the night. I did genuinely enjoy myself with my friends, but a part of me just wished that things had been different. 

We drank and danced, and had a good time, although there were a lot of nutters in there tonight, instead of the usual 'normal' crowd! There was a girl there who was quite clearly under the effect of more than just alcohol, and eventually she and her partner were escorted out, to the relief of all of us! There was a young guy at the bar who was on his own, so we 'adopted' him for the night. He was spending time in London on business, and my friends tried to set us up. He was very attractive, with a nice body, and was a typical blonde -haired and blue-eyed Dutchman. But for me there wasn't much chemistry, and although he paid me a lot of attention all night, I wasn't overly keen. We all had champagne at midnight, and watched on TV the fireworks that were 20 minutes away from us! I think it was just after that that the guy draped his arms around my neck and invited me to go back to his hotel room, which I politely declined.....

I was pleased earlier in the evening to discover that due to it being NYE, the trains were running every hour until 5am! But although the pub was staying open until 2am, and due to the nightmarish journey it took to get there, by 12:45am I thought I ought to start the trek home. 

I was going to try to take the tube from Leicester Square, thinking that this way I would be delivered safely back into Waterloo and thus cutting out a long walk. Wrong again. Leicester Square station had the grills pulled firmly shut, due to it being so busy, so I had no choice but to follow the same direction as everyone else, heading up to Tottenham Court Road. I had no idea if I was going the right way, but eventually we made it there, and thank God, it was open!

Getting on the tube was easy, and also free! There were police on all the platforms, so I felt quite safe, considering I'm a young and single woman alone in London! 

4 minutes later we arrived at Waterloo. But instead of being able to go up the main escalators into the building, we were herded out through to the South Bank exit. Once outside, I realised where I was, but although the steps to Waterloo were in sight, lo and behold, the large metal panels prevented anyone from entering. And then it dawned on me. The walk I did earlier, I'm going to have to repeat it. I wanted to give up there and then, but adrenaline seemed to get me through. I followed the hundreds of people walking, around the longest possible route around the station. I started at 01:15, thinking I'd easily make the 01:35, but the walk took so long, it was nearly 02:30am by the time we finally got into the building. 

When we got close, there were police on mounted patrol with tannoys, explaining that they were holding us there for a few minutes, to prevent over crowding at the station. I was smooshed in with people everywhere, and I couldn't see anything. 

Finally, the throngs of people began to move, and I made it into the station. I was starving, and still had 10 minutes before my train, so I bought a sandwich and a tea. As I was paying, I looked to my left, and people began stampeding past me. I figured it was for my train, so I followed. Guy friend taught me to walk down to the very last carriage, as the drunks will always give up long before then. I walked/ran down, and we had to get on a few carriages before the end. I ended up without a seat, so when the crush subsided, I took a chance and followed some others down the carriages. I got a seat in an almost empty and quiet carriage! The boneheads couldn't be bothered to move, so it meant a much more peaceful journey for me!

By the time the train arrived, it was nearly 4am, and I drove the last bit of the way home. I was so tired, so it was just face, teeth, and Pj's and straight to bed. 

It was an experience for sure, but not one I'm sure I'll repeat! All night people kept saying how happy they were that this year is over, but I am still clinging to it. It's been filled with amazing highs, but also crushing lows, which I struggled to cope with. I've had some fantastic experiences, broadened my social circle, and made some good friends. I've fallen in love, and had my heart broken, and tried to recover from the near-disabling grief that it brought me. But although it happened, I don't think I would change it. The last six months I would. I'd do anything to change July, and I wonder what would have happened if things hadn't come to a head that night. I guess I'll never know. But while it has certainly tested me, I have realised how strong and resilient, and also capable I am. I've had a wake-up call, and realised how much is out there, and what I want out of my life. And I will fight for it. Twelve months ago this girl would have never ventured into London, let alone by herself! And if tonight is anything to go by, I can take care of myself :-)

So who knows where I'll be in a years' time. I'm going to (try) not to worry about it. 

I spent a bit of time over the last week making my own video of my photos as a look back over 2014. It's set to my favourite song by Armin Van Buuren, and guy friend would play it for me at his DJ nights. Take a look if you like :-) As the song goes, I really don't know how I've survived, but I'm still here. 

2014 My Year in Pictures

I'll be ok.