Cats, pain and Cats

well the past two days have been a big huge head fuck. it didnt start like this though.

Me and rosie spent a night together, its weird how two people can get so close in so little time. i almost would class her as a best friend, shes been there for me like no one else has. she gave me her gay pride band. it meant alot, it felt like she was giving apart of her soul to me.

however, further on through the day i started fighting with my boyfriend paddy. iv been with him for almost 3 years now, however he doesnt know how to treat me right. deep down i feel like he almost doesnt live me. like a cold stone with no feelings. he rips my heart out and stamps on it. i think im starting to become depressed but i'm just trying to keep my head held high. its the first time in our whole relationship where i feel like getting back together with him is just gunna be signing my name for a death sentence. i dont want to feel trapped and let down. because that all i feel. he keeps saying Ilove you but the only thing missing off the sentance is 'I love hurting you'

he kissed me today to, it didnt even feel like him, his hard lips, dry, there was passion, but i couldn't give any back, i just kept thinking what is he going to do next to hurt me. what happened to romance? i promised to myself romance would never be dead, but it slowly is, and its starting to kill me along with it. i just want the paddy i met afew years ago, i want to be the only girl he ever looks at. i want him to caress me, and tell me everything is going to be ok, with a gentle kiss on the forehead for reassurance. but i guess i can only dream.

is this going to be life from now on? i'm 16 and i'm scared of love. Wish there was something someone could do.

anyways going back to this photo. rosie took this beauti, its of my cat pissty, yes her name is weird that because she really called missty, but shes a Piss takes hents the name 'Pissty' she were experimenting i guess. nothing wrong with an ectra few heads. i think the aim was going to be fluffy off Harry Potter but we got a little carried away.

i'm not reading back through this so my apologies for any mistakes, it doesn't seam painful to you, but me? I'm cut up inside. i hope this torturous pain passes.



Everybody wants happiness nobody wants pain, but you can't have a
rainbow without a little rain