Happiness flies by

this is when we were happy. so so happy. but i couldnt tell you what happened.

today has been worse. i got out of bed and wished the world would swollow me whole. iv spoke to him more today and he came to mine and we kind of made up. which made things worse. it made my head spin and now i dont know what to do. he doesnt know what hes doing to me. he doesnt realise how much pain hes putting me through.

sometimes i want to run away and never come back. its got to the point when i scare myself with the thoughts going through my head, about death and different ways or dieing, he says im his world and he wouldnt hurt me like that again, but why cant i trust him?

Everyday he keeps saying you deserve someone better and i know i do. but there is something that makes me unable to leave. i used him today and i liked it. i liked the fact he was almost crying because he thought it meant something. but it didnt, i was doing it for my own selfish reasons and i like it. i liked seeing him squirm and cry. it reminds me of myself when he rips me apart and carries on killing me until he knows im about to do something stupid.

he knows when im vulnerable and he loves having that power. he knows he only have to say one thing to me and i will do it. then my blood will be in his hands.

i wish i could let go, but im clinging of for dear life. why? oh why?



Sorry, the knife just slipped,

I didn't mean to cut my wrists.

I was just thinking of all the bad things that happened to me.

The things that made me sad,

And the things that made me angry.

I didn't mean to take my life,

With this cold, sharp, steel knife.

Memories of everything gone wrong,

Is what brought this all along.

Warm is the blood that trickles down,

Making puddles on the ground.

I wake up,

It's just a dream.

But dreams become reality.

There's a knife beside my bed,

A single thought runs through my head.

My life used to be so pretty,

How could it have gotten so shitty?

I'm drawn to it,

Like a magnet.

This is my only escape,

From everyone and every face.

Good bye to my friends,

You've always been there.

Good bye to "him",

You never really cared.

Good bye to my family,

I'll always love you.

No one ever really knew,

They never thought this would be something I'd do.

It came to you as a surprise,

Now I cry and close my eyes.

Sorry, the knife just slipped,

I didn't mean to cut my wrists.