get well soon

tuesday evening, I found out my grandfather had fallen & broken his hip. he was in the hospital, he was having surgery the next day. everything was fine.

wednesday, midmorning, my cousin called me, upset, because he's still in surgery, but someone, one of the aunts, had raised an alarm & we spent the entire day worrying.

wednesday night, the same cousin called me, audibly upset again, and asked me to call my mother, because Grandma wanted everyone to come down to the hospital. Immediately. I spent an hour debating whether or not I could stand to see him if he died that night.

i realzed that I'd regret it forever if i didn't at least say goodbye.

when i got the hospital, he had come out of surgery, but he was in a coma. his hip was replaced, that was fine. on the other hand, his heart was only working to 25% of its capacity, he's got diabetes and only one kidney, and his heart kept stopping. he was without a heartbeat for 25 minutes on the operating table, and for 15 minutes literally right after i arrived.

i didn?t get to go in and see him until after they got his heart started back up. by then, everyone there had already seen him. he was hooked up to more machines than i've ever seen him hooked up to, and he looked like he was sleeping. the doctor assured us he was the most peaceful person in the hospital, but the likelihood that he would have severe brain damage was around 90%. the family collectively decided to wait until morning, if he made it through the night, then we would go from there.

we contemplated what Gramps was going to say when we told him all about his medical dramas, but in the back of our minds, everyone was trying to prepare themselves for the worst.

thursday morning, i headed back to the hospital, to find that his heart hadn't stopped again overnight, and while i was there the different specialists came in. the neurologist said his pupils were responsive and the cardiologist said his heart was stronger. he was taken off some of his meds that morning, and he kept opening his eyes, but he was still not waking up. he wasn't opening his eyes fully and he wasn't focusing on anything. it looked like some sort of involuntary spasm, but we're hopeful.

I sat in the room with him holding his hand and pleading with him to open his eyes for me, the first time i'd been able to actually speak to him, once everyone left me alone. apparently he tried to talk to my uncle, but he's on a ventilator, and the tubes in the way.

We?re all hopeful he?s awake by tomorrow.