Starbucks.

This is mine and Laur's starbucks. I went to see her today because she was a little distraught earlier today. But by the time I got there things had been resolved and she was very happy indeed.

My girlfriend's gone on holiday. I miss her already. I feel a little lost, my cat ran up to me when i came home form Newcastle, and I scooped her up and took her up to our room and we snuggled up on the bed. I cried for a while and she curled up close to me with her nose against my cheek. She makes me feel at home.

I've organised to go down to Huddersfield in July, to see Frey and Cait. I'm looking forward to that. I'm going for 4 days I think. It should be good. Obviously i'll miss Bethan, but I do need to see Fraitlin. It's been so long now and I promised them. I miss Huddersfield anyway, part of me belongs there, and it always will I think. I grew so close to it, and it'll always feel like home no matter where I am.

I need to go out, get out of this box. I need to run, and I want to fly. I long to be free but i'm trapped in this lie. I want to be warm and let the breeze roll over my shoulders, and my hair blow by my cheek, but it's cold. It's cold outside and it's cold inside. I'm cold all over and I can't get out.

The light is leaking through my blinds, as evening falls the light stays firmly pinned to the skyline, holding on, so not to let the sun set and shrivel away. I hope the sun comes out brighter tomorrow, and melts the clouds away, I don't miss the burning pain, but I miss the way it warms your soul.

I am lonely. The sun will make me happy. In asking for it's return. I am begging for company.

Come home soon. I adore you.

I have never felt like this before. This is the worst yet, like everything is finally falling apart, like the world as I know it has finished and that i'm walking around as a dead girl. I just walked up my street and had a cigarette, lay on the grass and pictured myself falling from the bridge in my village, I pictured it over and over again. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do, I feel dead. Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead. I can't feel, not tonight, tonight i'm gone.

Feeling better. Bloody mood swinging.

~

You are the one that I want.
Oh oh oh.
Honey, the one that i want.
Oh oh oh.
Can't you see, oh yes indeed.
My heart is set on you.