Gone Again.

Bethan's not coming today because she's ill. Really ill, like throwing up and whatnot, I woke up to find this out, and just burst into tears, normally I wouldn't be so bad, but today, floods of tears. That went on for an hour. Bloody prozac messing with my head. I stayed in bed for 3 hours because I didn't want to move in case I got up and threw myself down the stairs or something.

I'm not going to see her for a week because she's going away to the Lakes tomorrow with her South African cousins. I'll be able to text her, but it'll mean I haven't seen her for 2 weeks. Dear god I miss her. I keep crying at the thought of how much this week's going to hurt.

I'm scared to be alone, I was banking on today to sort myself out after last night, where I cried for 4 hours because I finally felt like all the things that should have hurt me over the past few months, were finally able to get me, and I just kept crying for what seemed like a lifetime.

I hope my girl gets well for her holidays, I want her to be happy. I might pop and see her later if she's feeling better, just so I can give her a big hug and a forehead kiss and tell her to have fun. Just so I don't have to miss her as much, considering at least i'd have seen her. The last time I saw her was last saturday. Sigh.

Mum's going to bring me some sushi home from work. So i'm looking forward to that. I need tabs, so I might go out. This photo, I look how I feel. Dead.

~

She runs, returning.
Sun still sinking.
Down and down, once again.
Down and down,
Gone again