back on the road again

Posters are up and tickets sold.  No going back now.

Back in February, when I could think of nothing but blip and our upcoming holiday to Australia, my friend Neil asked if I’d do a gig with him “sometime in the summer”.  I said yes because I was thinking of nothing but blip and …..

Now we’re back to the future; that gig is tonight.

I’m nervous.  Really nervous.  The last time I was this nervous was about age 6, dressed in a kilt and being asked to sing ‘Scotland the Brave’ to a house full of relatives.  I didn’t want to do it then and I don’t want to do it now. Waaa.

Five years ago - or rather, five years and two weeks ago - my left vocal cord was permanently paralysed during surgery.  I had no real speaking voice for a couple of years - I was a hoarse whisperer - until speech therapy and surgery to my voice box allowed me some semblance of a speaking voice.  But a singing voice was deemed impossible.  

At the end of last year I had an operation by a surgeon who treats professional singers (passing the hat round in a pub doesn’t really count, but he agreed to take me on anyway) and I can now sing, after a fashion.

I used to play in a local band, which is why I was asked to take part tonight.  But I can’t sing like I did before; the range has gone, the volume has gone.  I make Tom Waits sound like Tiny Tim.

This will be my first gig in five years.  I’m out of practice - not just in terms of singing and playing - but of standing up in front of people.

My faithful groupie, Anniemay will be in the audience - blonde hair and dark glasses - not because she favours the 60s look but because her eyes are still painful.  She thinks I can do no wrong.  But anyone who performs has (i) a big ego (couldn’t do it otherwise) and (ii) an overabundance of the ability to be self critical.  At the end of the day, if I don’t think it’s good enough, I won’t do it again.  

So why put myself through all this?  Because it’s unfinished business.  I had to give up - not through choice - but through bad luck. Making music with other people, whether it be choir or band, is just such a lot of fun.  And it’s a good work out for the lungs.  

So - back on the road again?