Elvis never left the building.

If Elvis hadn't shat himself to death on the toilet, but had got a flight to Edinburgh and laid off the peanut butter sandwiches, this is what he'd look like. He was the right age, and was faciallly identical. The only time he really came alive was when he sang a bit of Elvis. Otherwise he sounded sad and unfulfilled. I tried to throw my knickers at him Vegas style, but they were too damn heavy. Like trying to throw a wet tent over the Eiffel Tower.