A big hoose

Ah'd quite like tae live in this hoose, but ither folk bide there. It's no ma hoose. Wance ah met Sir Alec Douglas Home, and ah says tae him, "hoo come you've got this big stately home an' a' this land, Sir Alec?"

"That's because my ancestors fought for it," he says.

"OK," ah says, rollin' up ma sleeves, "ah'll fecht you fir it noo."