Wet, Windy and Dark

I feel like I have gone back 10 steps today.
Last night was a bad one. Had a restless sleep and was awake from 4-6 not knowing what to do. It was a night where I wished I could still phone the hospital support.

The day with mum was horrendous, me taking her places she wanted and her talking at me for hours.

I have come home and hurt myself; because that's the only way I know to make it better. Except I don't feel better afterwards, only when doing it.
It's going to be a long night.