Medicine?

I have struggled not to be overwhelmed with feeling sad today. In all sorts of places, including my Barrecore class where I usually have no trouble shutting out the outside world. By lunchtime I had given up trying and spent the rest of the day hiding in my office. On the plus side I haven't had an actual heart attack.

And the worst thing is that I know this probably won't be my worst Christmas and if I can't cope with this then I really won't be able to cope when that one happens. And I know there are people who are dealing with so many worse things. I wish I knew how.

So in the absence of a book on that I went out and bought this which came highly recommended to me earlier. Anna and I will start it as our bedtime reading soon and I'm hoping it might help.

Though in general I am struggling with the concept of hope. I know you have to have it but I wonder if it also sometimes makes things worse. J still has his cold and so had to miss another treatment today. Perhaps it's disappointment that's the problem. Or perhaps disappointment is the opposite of hope.

Who knows. Sorry for the miserable ramblings if you stayed this far. I'll aim for some Christmas cheer tomorrow.

Lesley x