Good Grief 94

It comes to something when you see the rings of Saturn in your roux...
and then start wondering if Danny La Rue is related (before you look him up and see it's spelt differently ... and then you wonder about being called Danny The Road).

All this is of course damage limitation whilst in the throes of panic.
Panic about visitors tomorrow seeing the house, a reflection of how I am.
Panic about heading south and all that that my sister and I have closed the door on whilst trying to resume working 'normal' life.
Panic about her offloading her panic on me and keeping up my pretence that I'm fine when I haven't been for so very long and realising that our elderly neighbour's comment was quite right ... it has been a double funeral effectively.
Panic about feeling dreadful myself.
Panic about an unending feeling of grief and inability to engage with life.
Panic about work ....
... and .... breathe ...
the veggie lasagne looks ok, the bread is rising by the fire ...
... and thank goodness for Brahms's 2nd ... how many years has Brahms been by my side ... more years than I can recall (I even remember being alone in the public library in Perth Australia in my early 20's listening to him on headphones worrying I was pregnant and not knowing what to do and feeling pretty much as alone as I do now).
All will be well. All manner of things ... etc.