New Camera

I think I mentioned that my mum and dad bought me a combined Birthday/Christmas present, a new camera. I was very touched, as I didn't ask for anything at all, my mind has been totally hijacked by my own thoughts these past few months. So to say I was pleased was an understatement! 

A very thoughtful gift that is very much appreciated. It was sunny today- hurrah! It was so lovely, and long overdue. It's become the norm to only see grey.... I'm very affected by the weather ;-)

I just had a little play with the camera while I was getting ready this morning, as you can see from these magnets that I bought from the Southbank shop last summer, during the Festival of Love. 

I had my nails painted, held Little B at the window multiple times while he patrolled to see the pussycats, and then joined my mum for a dog walk in the park. We bumped into a doggy friend of Little B's, Frankie, who's much larger and livelier than B. Then a great dane came along, and the three played together. I realised that I'm actually still a little bit afraid of large dogs, and flinched every time they made moves near me! I think it's safe to say that Little B is the only dog I'm not scared of- he's a family member! I much prefer small (and controllable!) dogs ;-)

I saw a pic of Tim on the dreaded Facebook this evening. I thought he didn't look that well. But it did the same to me- chest began to whoosh, didn't feel good etc. I can't believe this is where I/we are now. I said to my mum I'll never get over this. I have applied for some CBT for my anxiety, and I'll get 6 free sessions, hopefully some time in January. I'm hoping they'll teach me some strategies for feeling less anxious about life, but I'd like to sort of learn how to desensitise myself from the above. It would be a good thing.

I had a chat with my dad about the course I'm thinking of doing. I felt a bit better. Then I went for a run. For the first time in about 5 months! I ran just under 3k- pathetic! But it was good to feel the fresh air, and also to clear my head a little. 

Shaky-legged and a little dizzy, I dragged myself upstairs where I sank into a lukewarm bath ;-) 

My body is broken.