In the corner & think about what you just said!

Cheeky bloody scales. Tried to tell me I was 12 stone 11 lbs when my steady weight for the last 3 years has been around the 12 stone 4 lbs mark. That's 7lbs, half a stone or 3 kg that I've put on depending where in the world you live. Wish I lived on the moon, then it would only be 1.15 lbs. I could live with that

Went on my first winter bike ride today. 20 miles with the outdoor temperature hovering around 4 - 6 degrees centigrade and yes, once again my willy did its usual disappearing trick. What I'd like to know if where it goes? Am I strutting around in my tight cycling slacks with a phallic lump protruding from my backside or maybe I just have an extra albeit temporary chin, one with lots of loose skin?  Or maybe, just maybe, this is the origin of the term 'dick head'. Answers on a postcard please as Google proved to be no help what so ever.

Went to see 'Star Wars - The Force Awakens' this week. If you ignore the fact that it was basically the story of the very first film retold, it was very enjoyable. Highlight has to be the scene with Luke Skywalker played by the original actor Mark Hamill who appears for less than 1 minute at the end of the film, doesn't utter a single word and was reputedly paid a princely sum somewhere between $1M and $3M for his efforts. It's a tough life as a Hollywood actor.