getting home (end)

They reached the car park at Shepherd’s Rest and got Jess into her wheelchair. He pushed her up an incline and suddenly the whole loch revealed itself. It looked sullen to him. He put the lock on the wheelchair. 
They both just looked out over it for a while, then Alexander felt the wheelchair gently shaking. Jess took off her glasses and wiped her eyes.
“Are you alright Nana?”
“Ach don’t mind me son. Silly old fool that I am. Too many regrets son … About your mum, about you.. when I fell and smashed my hip I never thought that would be me. Regrets , regrets…”
Alexander didn’t know what to say. They never spoke about things. He looked at the view trying to pick out the cottage but found himself drawn back to the trees they’d driven through. Had he really been lost in there? He had no memory of it, he had no memory of his mum for that matter. He’d seen photos and heard stories about her but that was all he had, that and his dad’s pissed ramblings.
Jess interrupted the silence between them.
“ I used to come up here all the time, you know. I had all the boys chasing after me in those days. In the war time. Your Papa was away fighting and I had to fight them off here!I”
She sniffed and let out a laugh and Alexander laughed with her in welcome relief. She wiped her eyes again and put her glasses back on.
“Did…”
“They practised for D-Day just over the back of those hills behind the house. Did I tell you that?”
“Aye, you did. They used live shells and killed some of their own soldiers!”
“That’s right! Blinking nincompoops! Papa was … well, anyway he asked me to marry him almost at this exact spot.”
Behind them a car turned into the where they were parked.
“Right take me back son. The home help comes at two.”
“Oh. Okay. Are you sure Nana? There’s no rush.”
“No, let’s go. You need to get back.”
He held onto the handles of the wheelchair.
“What did .. Carol-Ann say?”
“She said that Caitlin’s fine and misses her daddy and she wants you home.”
“Did she sound alright?”
“She was just a bit worried about you. You’ve a good lassie there. I like her.”
His chest tightened.
“I know Nana. I don’t deserve her. She shouldn’t need..”
“Ach no son. It’s the least you deserve. Don’t be doing that to yourself. The least you deserve.”
Her right hand reached back and patted at his leg.
“And maybe bring wee Caitlin up to see her daft old Nana Jess.”
He felt a great urge to say something but it all seemed too tightly knit inside him. He couldn’t find the thread that might unravel it all. He reached in his pocket for the paper. There it was.
“I will Nana. Soon. I promise… ermmm…”
 From the far end of the loch he could see the rain trailing in dark curtains their way. The thought of the cottage window popped into his head. Just as well he’d cleaned it last night: a good bit of luck.
  A wind picked up and buffeted them, he felt it push the wheelchair against its lock. He gripped the handles tighter. He felt the first scouting drops of rain on his face. 
“Come on son. Let’s get back and get you home.”

It would be a long drive home around the tight bends of the country roads. He took off the wheelchair’s lock and backed it away from the view. He couldn’t help but turn and look again at the forest and its beckoning sway in the wind. Had he really been lost in there, or had he just wanted to be found? He swallowed and started back to the van. The rain was coming on heavy. He would need to fight the hypnotic sway of the window wipers too on his drive home. The sooner he set off the better.