Good Grief 155

A ridiculously grim day.
Just crying all the time; crying whilst gardening, crying whilst looking at the garden trying to think of being creative with it but struggling to care, crying whilst cleaning the kitchen floor, crying whilst making bread, crying whilst cooking something to eat in the week knowing I wouldn't be bothered when I got in from work ...
I ended up with lots of jobs on the go and then determined to clear at least one dust accumulated corner ... it was simply the top of a small bookcase but as I chucked out dusty biros and bits, I came across my husband's key fob, postcards he picked up from various places we'd been too (he loved a postcard, often thinking he'd have a go at using one as the basis for a painting), bits from our days working at the Samaritans where we met ... and then, this bit of laminated slate that I had attached to the first Valentine's Day card I had made and sent to him. On the back is the quarry I got it from and the date (I always like to provenance my geology!). I had written a few lines about the distilling layers of love that accumulate and form the bedrock of what we had become and continue becoming. Terribly schmaltzy.
And he had kept it and treasured it.

By mid afternoon I wasn't in great shape so thought I'd get out for a change of scene. I went to buy some compost, and on the pretext of taking some photos for my mum for my next visit, I went to visit my friend hoping for some company but there was someone visiting so I made hasty excuses and went for a brief late walk and more crying.
I would be very happy for it all to end.