The Secret Diary

.....Of an anxious and cold fingered polling agent.

Referendum duties under my belt, this time I was prepared....on the food front if nothing else. I was packing some oatcakes and an obesity inducing bag of pear drops. I'd downed Berocca in the morning, and again at teatime.....because I'm an old fart insomniac that needs all the staying power I can summon. I necked a couple of preventative pain killers after tea....headaches are not welcome, especially at 4 in the morning.....and well, like I said, I'm an old fart.

And what do counting agents wear? Be smart they said. TV and all that. Wedge heels....comfy, and more to the point they can make a smallfry tall enough to see the action. Warm woollen jacket, that's a must, that AECC is a drafty bugger of a venue without a support act making you bust a move. And TV you say? Hey, lets go crazy, where is that decade old mascara bottle.....and that foundation...is its supposed to go on like the caked sands of the Sahara?

And then it's game on!! To your stations counting agent!! Thank god for the training. From 9.30pm, till the wee small hours, no leaning on the counting table, no speaking to the counting staff mid count....luckily they were friendly and enjoyed sharing my pear drops.

The pace was faster than the referendum and things were looking very, very good. And as for the opposition, there we all were at the tables, side by side, standing alongside the Greens, the Tories, Labour and the Lib Dems, all trying to get a sense of how the vote was shaping up, all guarding their tallies, all engaging in surreal polite chit chat.....well most of us, but not everyone. I had a very Doric blether with an older Tory gentleman about the muckle spate in Ballater, I congratulated the Labour candidate on having the Cahoonies to endure a hustings as a first timer and I regularly had wee reassuring two second catch ups with my fellow SNP counting agents.

Team G were smiling but we would have to wait for the wee small hours to get confirmation of what we hoped to be a solid result in our favour. And if there is a next time, I'm going to rock some fingerless gloves and wrap myself in a homemade coat of water bottles.....