...........5 months.......

Five months ago today I retired............it was a day of laughs........tears....emotions running riot. This was my main present...I still have others that I haven't touched yet..........including a wonderful picture for the wall above this computer.

I knew it would be hard leaving........what I  didn't know was that less than 66 hours later Helen would give up her battle against cancer, there hasn't been a day since then that I haven't fought back the tears.....or cut them short.

Today was a busy morning........on-line shopping delivered.......a couple of parcels in the post (new shoes)........emptying the dish washer............then lunch time..........fruit again.....and then last night's episode of Blindspot.......and then...............out of the blue....... floods of tears.......a thousand memories of the struggle with Helen's illness........a thousand more of the tough days since her passing.............Christmas.......the funeral.......my birthday.........the Wedding........Charlotte's birthday..............on and on.......no reason...........nothing triggered it except for the realisation that I retired 5 months ago.............the cats were totally confused at the strange noise.............and then I surfaced from the tears and the Sun came out......and I smiled............maybe something changed inside me..............maybe it's just the start of recovery.............but something feels different............I know I  haven't shed my last tear...........probably never will.......but there was something cathartic today.

Das vidanya moy padruga