A hard day

One aspect of moving back home that is a struggle is the feeling of having to meld together several versions of myself. The me from before I left is not the same person as the one I became in Chiang Mai. 

I feel lost. In Thailand I was a teacher, I was living abroad with what seemed like unending possibilities. Before I left I was stressed, I was burying  things from my past, I decided to leave. Now? Now I have no idea what I want to be. I don't know which bits of each version of myself to keep.  

To accept the things that have gone, to not worry about what's to come and concentrate on just being is what I know I must do. It feels overwhelming. I cry. I sit and do nothing. I get anxious about easy things. I want to run away a lot but I don't know where home is anymore. I often feel like my self confidence has entirely left me. I'm finding the whole transition so much more challenging than I ever imagined.