Good Grief 183

I've been waiting for the words.
I took this last Wednesday but am now writing on Saturday.
My thoughts have been all over the shop.
I've been thinking a lot about kendall's blip about family photos.
Much of what I think and feel is still going through a rather laborious and incomplete digestive process.
It is ultimately around 'sense of self' and I know if I try to explain myself I will get lost in a Gordian knot.
For now I am going with my 'family blip' of my loved Corncockle.
It is the second generation from baby Corncockles given to me by my very dear friend in Cornwall. I have placed 'her' by my bronze fennel who is the big brother of the garden at the moment. My friend and his partner got a bronze fennel for their garden after my husband died and named it after my husband. I loved the thought and on the first anniversary of my husband's death I went and bought myself a bronze fennel cousin.
And so here we have the strangest of threads and connections, not a scrap of DNA to be had but it is what it is. 
As for my friend, I hadn't been in contact for a bit so I tried to ring him today to talk over all that is happening. He was working late so wasn't able to answer but he texted saying 'I knew you were going to ring today'.
We have come through some rather tough times in the past and survived them and built something else which I am very very grateful for. I have lost contact with many since my husband died and mostly live with 'the beetle and the wind'.
The advantage of the living is that you get the chance to work things out if there is a willingness on both sides.
I am very glad he isn't dead.
I'm sick of a life of death.