Good Grief 193

I was thinking a bit more about my previous blip and the being 'open' isn't so much to do with the 'outward' but the 'inward'. It is, of course about being open to the world 'out there' but much more, in this aspect, about being open to the world 'in here' - trying to be open to parts of self.

I was thinking a lot about 'self' today and how it moves through the day, how it responds, all the time, to everything, anything. I seemed highly sensitive to it today and was glad of the focus of blip to help me step 'outside' occasionally and think conceptually and creatively ... otherwise I was sinking into the mire a bit. Sometimes at work it's a bit like flooding and the systems can't cope so the effluent comes to the surface. This seems to be one of those heavy phases . After my first bit of work I crumpled in tears once I was on my own, I recovered by plugging headphones into Bach whilst I typed notes and then the day mooched along ok until I headed back to the office which was a bombardment of noise, trivia and news of a 'bigwig' meeting about numbers and systems and my heart dropped to the floor, my hackles rose and at the same time I felt a despair. It's always shit when the bean counters come in, made more so by their substantial salaries and they see nothing of the reality of what is done in the trenches. I know it's an old tune and the familiar refrain of the downtrodden worker song sheet but it doesn't make it any less true sometimes and this seemed particularly so in the light of the complexity of just this week.