..........Just ordinary..........

In the last 18 months.......particularly in the seven months since Helen died ............I have been called many things.......strong.............amazing.........brave..........a hero (even the GP said this today).............even an inspiration.

I am none of those things........I'm just an ordinary guy trying to cope with what life has thrown at me.........I haven't lost a child........I haven't lost a family member or friend to a car or plane crash............I haven't known someone be killed by a random act of violence.

I've tried to handle things myself.........when people tell you you're strong etc so many times you start to believe it.....and act like it............but here's the truth...........

I've shed tears almost every day for the last 7 months........at first about Helen...........and myself........and my family............but also about the appalling things on the news...........about intolerance............and injustice.........and also about inconsequential things........last night it was the closing scene of the movie Gladiator.............today it was Simon and Garfunkel singing Bridge Over Troubled Water.

So today when the GP visited I did what I should have done a long time ago.......I asked for a referral to a Community physio...........and a referral to a Podiatrist.......but most importantly I  discussed depression with her........and eventually agreed to a course of low dose anti-depressants for a month......until I  see the specialist in August and start my treatment.

So the next time I tell you I'm ok...or I'm doing fine............don't say I'm strong, brave, an inspiration.......just remember I'm probably not ok........but I'm trying to be.

Das vidanya moy padruga.

I've just noticed the GP put the wrong date on the prescription.