twilight of the Gods? (of Arrhythmia)

The arrhythmia that put me in A&E a few weeks ago turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  It was different from the one I’m being treated for tomorrow and so the procedure has been modified to try and sort this out as well.  Two procedures for the price of one.  A bargain.

I have high hopes for tomorrow.  And if I say that too much I will, according to Anniemay, “jinx it”.  But it’s hard not to.  I’ve been stuck with this heart problem for 6 years.  And it’s very different from dealing with cancer.  That had what I can only describe as a ‘natural‘ journey from diagnosis to cure (?).  At the beginning I felt ill, looked ill and people made allowances for me.  I did not feel at all embarrassed about my condition.  I saw too many sick people in hospital for that. 

After surgery and chemo and radiotherapy I gradually got better again.  “Hey you look well” people would say.  And I did.  And I was.

This is different because there is no simple journey from diagnosis to cure.  Diagnosis is not easy.  At first it was atrial flutter, then atrial fibrillation and now it turns out to be both.  Very hard to tell the difference because the symptoms are often very similar.  Doctors rely on me; if I can’t describe my symptoms properly (and how many of us can?) then what chance do they stand?  Accurate diagnosis is only really possible if the arrhythmia occurs whilst being connected to an ECG monitor.  Which has only happened a couple of times during those 6 years.  

I’m embarrassed this time precisely because I do look fit and well.  There’s nothing on the outside to indicate a problem on the inside.  I can keep up with anyone on the level.  But as soon as I come to an incline or set of steps, I’m huffing and puffing and falling behind.  I have to stop and rest.  I’m aware of people looking at me when they overtake.  In my head I’m still the one who gets up the hills first.

It’s also different this time because it’s unpredictable.  Holidays cancelled, gigs cancelled, all at the last minute.  It affects other people as well as me.  To paraphrase John Lennon, “an arrhythmia is what happens when you’re busy making other plans….”  

High hopes are all very well, but I’m aware the reality might be quite different.  I don’t mean the risks, but rather the fact that it doesn’t always work.  It’s an electrical wiring problem - like isolating a faulty component and then trying to find a way round it.  

The only clue is this hastily drawn wiring diagram which looks as if was left in the doctor’s back pocket when his jeans went through the washing machine.  (And yes, in case you’re wondering - that is supposed to be my heart.  Not a patch on Leonardo.) 

The Gods of Arrhythmia are not going quietly.  For the past two days my heart has been beating at 142bpm with no sign of returning to normal.  Night time is worse as it’s almost impossible to sleep with all the racket going on in my chest.  It’s like standing next to the loud speakers at the worse drummer in the world competition.

I have no medication to deal with this; the heart drugs were stopped at the end of last week as they need 5 days to clear my system prior to the procedure.  I call the cardiology unit at Oxford this morning for advice and reassurance.  By the time I arrive for the procedure tomorrow, this will have been going on for 3 days.  Which is not good.

Their first concern is about how I’m feeling; I explain that I’ve had worse.  In retrospect this was flippant and probably not particularly helpful.  Their advice is that if I start to feel ill I should go to A&E straight away.  If I can manage to put up with it, it will probably help them tomorrow to see the arrhythmia in progress.  I feel awful - but not ‘ill’ as such.  I decide that as they’re going to do their bit, I’ll do my bit and present them with the Gods in full swing in what I hope is their farewell performance.

And as the team lay out the surgical equivalent of wire cutters, jumper cable and a soldering iron, I can do no more than lay back, sniff the happy juice and wish them luck and a steady hand as they prepare to dispatch Odin, Thor, Tyr, Freyr, Heimdallr and Loki to the underworld for once and for all.