Good Grief 220

Continuing in my rather mute phase...
I went for a walk. It was a bit of a struggle, one foot in front of the other. I've noticed this for years now - whether it is walking or a run. There's a point where I just want to fall to the ground, a real visceral, sickening despair. A choke and a sob and one foot follows the other and I plod on. It doesn't do to have to think too much about it and i persuade myself I need the air and exercise. It is, of course, always beautiful and there is always things to see and moments to take in. But that is not the point. And then I'll head back, probably crying again at some point. Do I feel better for going out? Does it do me good? They are pretty pointless questions. I just do it.