It's a numbers game today

1159 days since I last saw my son; that was I day I took the photo that I've used here. 

And 1096 since he was killed. 

3 years of disbelief.

I had more sense this year than the last two anniversaries of Blaze's death, and I arranged the day off in advance.  

I had decided that I'd go down to the cross we erected at the site of the crash, as it's only a bit over 2 hours drive from here.  The weather was appalling when I woke but I headed off anyway.  It seemed appropriate to be heading down there with the sky crying torrents.  

In reality it was a stupid day to be unnecessarily on the roads!  When I got there the rain was so heavy that it wasn't sensible to be parked on the berm of a state highway with vehicles roaring past through swathes of rain at 100kmh, so I didn't stay long.  

The weather was too bad, and the traffic too unsafe, for me to get out of the car anyway.  So I had a very short chat with Blaze (in my head), raised a coffee to him (he'd probably have preferred a nip or two of Jameson's to warm him in that weather), and quickly turned around and headed for home.  Where I've spent the rest of the day hiding from the world under a blankie.  

I suppose tomorrow I'll have to come out of hiding and function again.

NOTE:  I hate the 20th October
With apologies to anyone who has good things to celebrate on this day.