Memories

I was going to call this 'My Granny's Box' because that's what it's called but actually that just sounds rude :D

Today's theme: something that makes you sad

I had a long think about what makes me sad..sometimes it's hard to distinguish feelings like anger, frustration, disappointment etc from the feeling of sadness.

But actually there is only one thing that guarantees tears and hence sadness and that is the loss of my Granny.

My home life as a child really wasn't the best, but my granny and grandad were my constants. I was very very close to my granny, who loved me unconditionally no matter what. I was very lucky to see them at least 3 times a week until the age of 10.

I can still remember the smell of my granny's perfume, the softness of her skin (accomplished by good old fashioned soap, water and oil of ulay). How she loved flowers, especially pink carnations. The time I made her tea made with hot milk instead of water and how much she laughed and laughed.

In my deepest darkest moments, still at the age of 35, it's my Granny that I want and that if she could just come back everything would be fine. Actually tears are starting now just typing this up.

My Granny died of cancer when I was about 14..it was in January...and I still feel really bad that I can never remember the right date..I think it's something like 8th January 1991..but I could be wrong.

I remember the day she died, I was in biology at 2pm and I felt her go :'-(

I just knew she had gone. It was at the end of the biology lesson that my guidance teacher came and told me the news and I had to make it through my Art class and then catch the bus by myself to Buckie. I remember there was a huge harvest moon..something I still can't bear to look at. I had no idea where my mum was..if she was at the hospital or at my granny's house.
It snowed the day of her funeral

I can't find the photo of her that I wanted to use for this blip, but looking through this box..well actually it's a wee case...I found these photos of her...I have no idea how old she was in the photo of her by herself.
The other photo of her is when she was courting my grandad..he was her toyboy :)..her second husband. The were probably what people would call soul mates and they just went right together. My grandad died in 1988 so my granny really didn't last much longer without him.

This box has lots of things in it, birth certificates, death certificates, marriage certificates, papers from when my grandad was in the Merchant Navy (his date of birth on one paper is different to what it actually is...he ran away to join the navy!). He was made redundant on medical grounds.
The ring is my grandad's signet ring..he is still wearing his wedding ring.

My grandad couldn't do much when I was little because of his heart and lung problems but we did often go for walks along the beach, collecting shells and stones (he had a book that told you the names of stones) and I used to dress him up in my granny's headscarves and jewellery when he sat watching the snooker on a Sunday afternoon.

The card that says goodnight grandad was on the flowers at his funeral from me and my 2 cousins and that set me off crying again this morning.

Some might say that after more than 20 years I should get a grip, pull myself together or just plain get over it, but I miss them so so much.