Glossing over

The dome of the mosque near the office has had a paint job. I think it looks fabulous.

Obligatory talk around lunch today (delicious curried fish and tempe made by Dewi) about the 'very sexy, very beautiful' girls from Manado, Sulawesi, who I need to look towards for a wife (it was a woman telling me this). As they've seen me age over the years and not made any efforts to get hitched, colleagues in overseas offices tend to be incredulous that I am not pursuing this more actively.

From Cambodia to Liberia and Indonesia to South Sudan, the marriage thing is a question most people want to ask. The banter that ensues is usually a good way to bond with colleagues and make small talk over food. In Cambodia there was always some aggressive flirting from female colleagues and various attempts at match-making: 'I know someone who likes you', as another colleague batted her eyelashes coquettishly from across the office. Larkhena (who finally made it down the aisle) was always urging me to get a long-term girlfriend back home, claiming that my colleague whose girlfriend lived in Panama (a mere 12 hours time difference away) had a better arrangement than me (my arrangement being happy singledom).

I read today that 93% of Indonesians are opposed to homosexuality. I do find that statistic hard to believe except here in Aceh which is the only province where it's illegal, due to sharia law. In other places, you are more likely to receive a non-committal response and the lighting up of a fag, if you ever asked someone what they thought. I've never heard overtly homophobic slurs in Indonesia but I think people's beliefs would tend towards the negative over the positive. Casual homophobia happens a lot and I've had the chance before to pick people up on it, along the lines of our organisational position rather than disclosure of my own personal life.

When you spend a lot of time in places where your sexuality would be unaccepted, you gloss over it to ensure you are not judged differently and because it could be genuinely offensive for me to espouse the value of equal treatment regardless of sexual orientation in a society where only a very small minority think that way. The way I behave would not be equated with homosexuality in most places I go, so by adopting this approach, it helps me integrate.

As a believer in equality, I am compromising on my personal beliefs but recognise that you have to flex to the views of the majority around you until attitudes change and reach a tipping point after which voicing opinions can have an overall positive impact. And that's an even more sensitive line to judge when you are viewed as an outsider.

Views on this matter are something where I would treat my fellow countrypeople much more harshly but I guess most of us would deem that UK society is at the point of standing up for equal rights, so the thought of someone having to stay quiet upsets us. This is why Trumpmania in the US has been so depressing for minorities as they feel prejudiced language has been legitimised and acceptance of difference will regress after very hard-won battles.

In this complex world I guess my willingness to accept different levels of tolerance within a society is modified by the overwhelming attitudes that surround me. I think this is the best approach for now.