Orgone Accumulater

Wow! I hadn't realised that the University had one of these! Cool! I thought that they had disappeared since the Cold War! I'm so excited that I am ending every sentence with an exclamation mark! Should I worry that I am using exclamation marks even when a question mark would be more appropriate!

Anyway, it's our very own Orgone Accumulater (they make you feel greater).
Or a death-ray.
Laser?
Maser?
An instrument of Sonic Attack?

In fact, I can reveal that it belongs to the University's Gown Maintenance Department. It is an industrial button-holer. You know how, when you are at an Ambassadorial Jet-Set, High-Flying, A-list-only Cocktail Party/reception (or a conference about advances in database management techniques) and someone corners you and bends your ear - or button-holes you? Well, this machine can do that on an industrial scale.