Happy birthday pops!

So it's my fils 1st birthday since he passed away last year, another dreaded 1st....
True love is my mil sitting by his grave from 10 am to 6pm in the cold, terrential rain on a picnic blanket, under a golf umbrella. She was cold to the bones by the time we bought her home :(
She'd sat there for 8 hrs with him, listening to elvis on the iPod with a bottle of wine.
It was this that set my up for one of the saddest days of my life, not for our loss of Ian but the fact I will never and probably never had someone love me like that. I cried so hard today I was nearly sick, but I think I needed it as I haven't cried like that since this awful nightmare began and I feel calmer tonight, probably from sheer exhaustion but I'm thankful for feeling calmer because the anger was clouding all rational thoughts.
Anyway, we went to pick debs up from the crem, set our balloons up to heaven and I enjoyed cooking for a houseful again and for the 1st time in a long while I enjoyed seeing debs clear her plate :)