I think I have it all figured out. Well, I thought I did. The issue here is that I have terrible memory. But look, the stuff theyre putting me on? Basically has the same effect that I've been searching for so long. Someplace calm and peaceful. I really help I can get my meds. they have helped me so much. Right now though, I'm being a regular sick person who gets meds.I've taken three klonopin and had a few beers and I've reached the destination I've been searching for. And the fact that my zyprexa is the only drug that shouldn't be had with alcohol, I'll have a few extras every now and then to help me when I need them. As you can see..I've reached the element of relaxation that I have been searching for. I'm not even worried about anything right now, This is going to be a long journey, but I'm willing to take it. If there's ever been proof that I need help, this is it. And I will take any help that they will be willing to offer me.