antennae

little guy, feeling it out, wiggling those antennae. i'm going to like this lens.

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you know, i don't think i've ever had a long term plan in my life. the long term plan is to get through whatever is happening in the short term and make another plan promptly afterward. i always thought this was probably for the best - life has a way of derailing the long term, and it's not always a bad thing.

there's a firm reality and a disturbing finality to this idea of graduate school though, this long-term commitment that could end whenever. this becomes especially more complicated as i look into the program in EEB (ecology, evolution, and behavior) and what's going on over there, and those scary three letters i can't take seriously for half a second, much less a whole one.

but i can't think that far ahead, you know, i've got this block - just can't plan that far ahead. what if i change my mind? (and i am a changeable creature.)

but weirdly enough things feel more solid than before - i'm not rushing, and i think that's because a career in this direction feels inevitable, regardless of how quickly or slowly i move or what happens between here and there really. and it doesn't matter to me what speed it moves at this point. and whether or not it includes another degree (after this one), i don't know. right now it looks like it could. but the universe leads me where it will, i guess. and i'd change the whole plan for just one thing.

funny how life is like that, right? we all want what we can't quite seem to have.