Good Grief 262

Just when I think there can't be any more nuanced ways of experiencing feelings of loss, and reckon I've covered all possibilities and eventualities, something new will always pop up to knock me out of any complacency (not that I'm in too much danger of that).

This evening, coming home, walking through the house and into the garden, everything was profoundly quiet. After all these years I am very used to, and perfectly at home with, coming back to emptiness, but tonight there was a silence like no other.

This evening, in silent reflection on the day with my monk, http://www.blipfoto.com/entry/2305123241506638544
I realised I hadn't moved from my room/cell at work all day except to go to the toilet. Like a beach, I had sat whilst waves of emotion of every kind had crashed through and then retreated until eventually the room fell silent and there was a sucking vacuum before my own tsunami swept in and filled the space, and stayed.
As I wondered about it, it was as if it were the first time again. And then it dawned on me that it is.
Some part of that tide that had been held back whilst mum and dad were still alive.