Rehearsal

Life isn't one.

Twice in church today.

I cannot bring myself to talk of the first visit. It's too hard. All I could think of was her in the coffin. I said goodbye, placed a kiss on the coffin and wished her goodnight. But, like for everyone else, it's just so raw, heart wrenching and numbing all at the same time. I know I am not the worst affected, my loss is not the greatest, but the tragedy of it just makes it all so sad.

So for now, it's being pushed to a place in my head where it will wait until I am ready to deal with it.

Then this evening, it was the rehearsal for my friend's wedding. It went some way towards lifting me for a little while. The camponologists were practising the bell ringing. The Vicar was wonderful, accommodating, funny. It's going to be a good day on Saturday, with lovely surroundings and a very entertaining bridal party.

We are home. I miss my husband so very very much, and all I want is his arms around me and to be able to just cry on his shoulder, just for a little while.