Good Grief 270

Well, I went for a half way house. We had a nice day meandering about and the weather improved as the day went on. They are both doing well and seem happy together. I think the pressure is on now that so many of their friends are marrying and some starting families so we'll see what happens over the next year. When we got home and sat chatting over a cuppa I said that I'd been doing some more sorting and come across stuff from when he was much younger. He wan't sure he wanted to look now but I said I'd keep it all. He said he'd like me to send some photos of it which I'll do. I suspect I'm the keeper of the past. It's nice to have it there and it's nice that someone is keeping the past safe but it's also a bit of a relief to not to have to face it full on, or have to carry it. The past can hang a bit heavy I suspect when you are young and wanting to get on with life.
I waved them off and was very tearful afterwards. I'm not entirely sure why. It was lovely to see them but also a relief to retreat back into myself.
Today I got up and pottered. I feel terribly dead but it was blowing a gale and there was terrific energy in the wind. I was relieved to be restored by the beauty of chasing light and movement everywhere. I climbed my favourite tree. If you went up to it it and touched it it would have felt perfectly solid in the ground, but as I sat in it's branches, I could feel it being buffeted by the gusts and it's deep root system anchoring it to the earth. Sat in amongst it I at least felt that connection, a physical sense of attachment to something rooted at a time when I feel connection is all but lost and life dwindles apart from getting up and hauling myself through the working weeks.