Good Grief 269

As I wait for my visitors I am struggling. Some is the usual anxiety. I'm not much used to people any more and can struggle socially. It's fine once it gets going but, as usual with anxiety, it is all in the anticipation.
Such a mix of things but chiefly the feeling of being fundamentally low and clambering into the world of being sociable particularly after the relentlessly tiring work weeks.
But it also that time as the anniversary approaches and those rumbling tectonics do their work at that deep subterranean level.
Before they arrive I am just wondering about giving him these ...they go back to a time so long ago, before I knew either of them. I find them cripplingly sad and am not sure I'll be able to manage it this time.
I'll see how the mood of the moment goes. In a way I'd just like us to have a lovely day that isn't tinged, as my world is, with this perpetual sadness. We can talk of the world, the election, of the family, of them and their plans for their lives together. I'd like that.