I made a few sketches...

...of my dreams last night and my attempt to meditate this morning.

If you need to understand this post you might have to read yesterday's.

As I said, my dreams have changed also because of this cochlear sound remapping and I don't like them.

The pic top left was in my dreams last night/this early morning. They were were like a set of stills in a sense. In this one, I could walk along the white path lined with trees which were obscured either side by these black lines of varying thickness, but the white path went on forever. Nothing changed, no side paths, it went on for infinity.

Then, still dreaming I was seeing a set of abstract like paintings like the one bottom left. This was the last one I saw in that set. I didn't like these paintings at all, the colour scheme is atrocious. It was a background of cream, with this candy like lime green painted roughly over it. Then there was this 'ladder' which curved and varied in width. The varying spaces between the rungs were in red, yellow, blue, and white.

I felt physically sick looking at this colour scheme, so I pulled out of my dream. Thank goodness I still have that ability.

It was just before 2 am, and I have a sketch book by my bed, pencils & pens & stuff. I made a cuppa, and did these two sketches. I didn't want to back to sleep straight away.

I woke up a few more times but went back to sleep.

I could see dawn break by now, and so I tried doing my morning meditations, but as I said yesterday, even that has changed (since the drastic cochlear remapping), losing everything I had in my meditations. But I am still trying. This morning I had more pictures than yesterday, but I didn't like the pictures that appeared.

Trying to get the pictures I used to have which have evolved over the years just won't come. This drastic cochlear remapping has affected all this.

Again, like in my dreams I was getting more straight paths that go on for infinity. The top right one was a straight white path again, which went on to infinity. It was flanked by bamboo which joined in an arch above. I walked and walked for ages on the path and there was no turns, just a straight forever path.

Some more scenes like this presented themselves, all with white paths, flanked by something or other, but they all went on for infinity with no turn offs.

At this point I was trying to think of the 'glade' and scenery I normally meditate in which includes water. But it wouldn't appear in my mind, so I thought of water, and Brain presents me with gentle lapping blue sea waves. But I wanted a pool of water in a forest.

So then Brain presented me with some clear sea water with tiny fishes/shrimps swimming around. Because of the sandy coloured stones on the sea bed it had a very yellow colour. Like I said yesterday all my pictures in my head now have a greyness, almost like they are greyed out to some degree.

I didn't like that sandy colour, to me water is blue or blue-black. I had barely thought that thought when Brain changed the picture to the previous gently lapping blue sea waves. Then half-way up the picture Brain placed a forest of evenly planted coniferous trees in rows.it was like a badly joined photo. So the top half is a still of these uniformly planted conifers...nothing is moving, not even a leaf...but the bottom half is these moving gently lapping sea waves.

I was beginning to feel sick again because of the incongruity of it all. Fortunately the sun reached my bedroom window at that point and I got up.

Brain obviously wants/needs something which is why it is giving me these infinity white pathways. Unfortunately I cannot attempt to interpret stuff at the moment, because that ability seems to have deserted me as well.

It is almost like there is a blankness in my head, but that is the wrong word description because there isn't a blankness as such...my head is full of something/s. I made a description yesterday of everything had been mixed into grey paint. But, it is also like everything was on the 'slate' of my life and inner life, and this slate has been broken into the tiniest of fragments, and many of those fragments have been pulverised.

By the way, (with these cochlear sound remappings) my inner chatter voice that we all have all day long has totally gone....

These sketches are for my challenge to myself of a pic every day in 2017.