Friday 11th August 2017

To Perrywood's for a coffee in the morning, where I took photos of some pretty little violas, fiery orange crocosmia and bright yellow echinacea (see Extras). The numbness in Mum's legs has now spread upwards to above her knees, and all her joints are stiff and painful. It's becoming increasingly hard for her to walk and she's in constant pain. Her hands make involuntary jerks from time to time, which is getting worse as time goes on. If she hadn't already had an MRI scan looked at by a neurologist, I would have said she had something like MS or some other progressive condition. But I'm no expert, and only a specialist could say for sure. Mum still says she doesn't want to spend her life having tests and appointments to try and get a diagnosis when they probably can't do anything for her anyway. I can understand that.

I'm at my flat tonight. I meant to do some clearing up and cleaning this afternoon, but I've been feeling too sad to bother with much of it. I know I'm missing out on a lot, not seeing friends or going out much. It's hard sometimes to watch everyone else doing fun things (maybe I shouldn't look at Facebook any more), but I know that taking care of Mum in her developing predicament is what matters most. She depends on me, and just to see her face light up with a smile in the mornings when I wake her makes everything worthwhile.